When I started this little blog with ingenious ideas like, making all the colours clash, I wasn’t even aware of the ACTUAL trajectory it would take. All I had was a gnawing little pinch to share the few thoughts that accosted me from time to time. Some of the words I subsequently shared (and please note that this is not a stab at self marketing) have gotten splendid reviews for reasons I’m not too conversant with. Whereas the very slight recognition has done wonders to exercise the 12 muscles in my face that keep my youth “intact”, I regard my page in retrospect now as I am in this moment, and recognize that indeed, transforming isn’t just for akina Megatron – hence the title, in fact. You MAY have noticed that I haven’t posted anything in a while, and it really isn’t that my brain has shut down in view of the Christmas season, or that my “imminent” graduation from this phase has come to pass (there is someone in this Nairobi who actually believes that this, my medium of inquisitive discourse, is a phase) but it is in verity, a de facto paradigm shift of the most epic proportions. If I may modify the statement I would say, it is a graduation from self destructive darkness to Infinite Light: where my senses are constantly being overcome by Sublime Splendor.
The silence has been deafening; the poignant brutality of the irony is, even as I spoke against the sociopolitical darkness of the world, I was engulfed in a similar vacuum that grew more and more insatiable, complete with damning abyss-like silence (read self defeatist tendencies) where I observed the anguish of others with a twisted empathy… and then HE saved me with an epiphany of Love Everlasting: I have been overwhelmed by a beautifully deafening calm.
Seeing as that I can’t seem to keep explanations to myself, I shall indeed expound. However, let me clarify that deafening here doesn’t actually refer to me becoming deaf but to the realization that I live in this world but, I am not of it. Like, I am being deafened to the ways of the world. Moving on.
To me, salvation had always seemed a futile exercise, particularly in this day and age, and all for a very simple reason: Christians are hypocrites. Please note that this idea still languishes in my mind to a certain degree. However, before my Surrender, I genuinely did believe that this journey was already being travelled in my heart, albeit with a little too much Pilsner from time to time. Even in the moments that my flesh ran away with my dignity and staggered on a much-too-, I knew my heart was purer than the hearts of many who had been saved around the time that Mao Zedong was in primary school. I thought it ludicrous to share a platform with these faceless fiends who were tarnishing the sacred Honour of His name with their mere presence and so, I let the purity of my heart speak to Heaven and I genuinely convinced myself that I would make it there. This is actually one of the things that still irk me about supposed children of the Kingdom: people come and try minister to you by using the Heaven/Hell gimmick – scaring people into getting born again. I used excuses like these to hinder my final step into His capable embrace, assuring myself that I was on a somewhat successful pursuit of happiness (please cue Kid Cudi because THAT IS MY POINT) and yet, we all know how fleeting this sort of happiness is.
God brought one of my closest friends, a co-worker and a man who doesn’t even know my name to a nexus in which I was drawn to the very entrance of a new life. It was a magical fortnight because my spirit was drawn closer and closer to HE, who is with us until, I had nothing left to go back to, and an eternity of True Peace to behold. (I can say this now, although at the moment itself, I had the constant feeling of an impending implosion of my skull as all logic escaped me)
Peace, Joy, Patience, Love.
As some of you may know, these comprise a fraction of the Fruit of the Holy Ghost and this blog post for all intents and purposes, is my testimony; that’s why I put the afore mentioned in such a manner. These “nouns” are being manifest through the Cross in my life and have changed the way I see EVERYTHING, and I don’t even have to put it in a tattoo. I am born again, not because I wanted to save myself from hell, or because I thought struggle will be but a memory, but because His Love has transformed me, is transforming me, and will continue to transform me in a way that no other love can. I look the same; have the same sense of style, have the same voice but, these avenues are no longer tuned into the things of this planet and yes, dear children, I love the feeling.