From a significantly tender age, I was aware of the fact that I had a will that could withstand pretty much anything. My mind could adjust to any situation thrown at me without much fuss or mulling over what exactly it was I was adjusting to. I factually held on to this empirically tested Ninja Mindset until I started walking home from work. When you’re prancing along with a pleasant companion, the kilometers do not diminish before your eyes but, the nature of the experience is EXACTLY that – pleasant. In the chronicles of my lone travels, however, the weight of my laptop, and absurdly non-existent levels of fitness (ie lactic acid) continually did me in. I sometimes just wanted to calmly lie by the roadside and lament
ie loudly chastise myself on how useless I was, and not because I couldn’t get into a jav and feel useless in there but, because my “empirically tested” mindset had been blown apart in less than a week. Interestingly this week, however, something drastic and unexpected happened. I was walking home, without the laptop ie, baggage of failure as I unconsciously began to prove verses I’ve always loved:
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also ;
knowing that tribulation worketh patience ;
and patience, experience
and experience, hope”
(I REALLY do love KJV)
… I felt beauty.
Yes, even in sweat, there is beauty.
Beauty in things that I would never have perceived or begun to fathom unless my much-too-rusty comfort zone was tormented a tad. The more heavily my body was challenged, the more aptly it responded. Now, don’t get me wrong, these record breaking moments are only in reference to MY ability
; lack thereof. However, there is in fact a distinct joy in those moments in which you’re very much aware of the fact that you’re being tested, be it physically or mentally. It’s something my boss brought up sometime ago, albeit with very different intent; training your mind to function and perceive on an alternate level by continually challenging yourself. And with my Faith, I’m learning it in an absolutely jaw dropping manner. I discovered new things on Monday; things that had always been there that I never saw because now, I had yielded to the demands of the experience, and was willing to push as hard as I needed to (BUT with the weight of an approximately 100 gram backpack strapped to me). As a result, HOWEVER, I appreciated how these disagreeable (the mind is willing but the body, woi) moments are seen with delight and rejoicing;
I finally understood why some people treat working out like Fudge Cake.
The Living God and my journey with Him has shown me the value of how unprepared and overwhelmed I may always be; mentally anticipating but unable to comprehensively calibrate. The push has been for His Glory: whence my broadened, and more robust horizon brings clearer vision and understanding into the eyes of my Faith. (Let me digress a little more, if I may) I remember seeing a bevy of ladies on this same day, who, I can say with some level of confidence, were daily help. They each had these gargantuan loads on their backs, and yet, there was a sweet tenacity in their conversation that made my eavesdrop nerves tingle. Reasons why? One, the fact that they almost flying even with these Atlas like encounters on their backs; and two, they seemed much happier than the millions (no, really, so many people jog nowadays??) of joggers whose shoes cost more than their monthly wage.
Life is wondrous like that, isn’t it?
And this all happened in Kile.
The greatest lesson was to let go, and really just Let God. Because the things I shall see, I shall insist on seeing, are things that undermine His ability; my potential. All the plausible dimensions of pure awesome that humanity cannot generate. Even in the trying moments that draw painful solitude in the nature of the experience, HE will be there and I will be better for it. I have a picture in mind. You know how this year’s Daily Bread looks? I don’t want that for my Faith; it has a certain, “I have a shiny beginning, clean middle and pleasurable end” feel to it. I instead would rather the Daily Bread from Bangladesh. Now, I don’t mean to be condescending at all about this, I really don’t. Think of what you know of Bangladesh, and if it’s as much as I do, you’re only aware of two things: buildings usually collapse because of how cheap labour is there and, the location of High Commission in Kenya. My life in Christ is like a Bangladesh. I have no bearing of my where life will take me in a couple of years, and I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all because, even in my dimwittedness (yeees, we read that study in which, we’re dafter than atheists); I have this SOURCE of Joy, and Grace, and Wonder, that makes me think of those days I lived without it in perplexment. I know there are profoundly “lactic” moments I’ll encounter, melt downs, too, and when the trepidation begins to cause palpitations, I’ll continue to remember that True Love drives out all fear.
What else do I need.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits :
who forgiveth all thine iniquities ;
who healeth all thy diseases ;
who redeemeth thy life from destruction ;
who crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender mercies ;
who satisfieth thy mouth with good things ;
so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
I think of the Mastery (I’ve heard a review) and the 48 Laws of Power and shudder in the pleasure of my dimwittedness; the world would tell you to search for a man’s weaknesses and use that to your advantage to further your own goal.
As if Hobbes needed to be proven right.
A young citizen of the Kingdom of God may turn to Psalms 103:1-5; I do and my faculties fail me in lieu of the true feeling of success that continually gushes over me. The interesting bit is that Christianity is not for the meek; it’s not easy to lead, it’s not plainly worded out for today’s world as the Pope and his British friend would have us believe. It is a daily journey, whence the strength, the grace and the courage is drawn to lead a life over pouring with Joy. So that, in every moment of struggle, there are no tears, only a stirring of His Strength, renewed even in our sin, for the Joy of His Salvation is sublime – in Spirit and in Truth, as he prepares me to be a Sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true, so true.